2 months ago I used to be a chaser and an apologizer.
- I’ve apologized for things that I wasn’t sorry for to keep the peace.
- I’ve apologized for things that aren’t my fault.
- I’ve apologized to people who never deserved another chance.
I did it out of fear. I was afraid of losing my support system that was made up with narcissistic people.
As I started to heal I noticed the people I called family and friends being one sided relationships. When your system is mostly narcissistic people, you get used to the highs and lows (trauma bonds). Your life is a series of rolling with the punches until you realize how sick you really are. I was sick in a physical sense, mental sense, and emotional sense.
Now I realize how easy my relationships post abuse are really like. I can introduce difficult topics and we can actually have a discussion. I don’t dissociate during conversations anymore. It’s actually gotten 80% better. I couldn’t sit through a conversation before with narcissistic people without dissociating. If you tune out constantly during a phone call and use the words, “that’s crazy”, “wow, really”, “no way” without any follow up context, you’re using filler words.
“That’s crazy” was my go to word. Now I surprise myself of how active I can be in a conversation. I am active with my family, with clients, with friends, and even around me.
When you are focusing on building reciprocity in your life, everything improves overtime. Things get easier, filled with lightheartedness, and real love. Your defenses drop after some time because you no longer need to fight for connection. It’s readily available ♥️
- Roxanna @theblacksheepsurvives#imherewithyou#dissociation#stopthestigma#mentalhealthadvocate#mentalhealthcommunity#mentalhealthawareness